Dreaming

Dreaming fills the gaps in our soul. Allows us to be prophets, fortune tellers, and sages. 

I talked with a friend about the new year and he had no plans, he did not care to have one. It was sad to me. He was happy enough. He did not feel the need to look pass his nose, around the bend or over the hill. I'm not sure when it happen or how it happen but he just stop dreaming.

I dream everyday maybe too much. It makes me smile when thinking of something new to try. How it's going to turn out. What I'm going to learn. The fun to be had. I'm smiling now thinking of the New Year!!! So many possibilities, so many Dreams to come true and so many things to learn.  

The thing you can't teach or learn

I've been teaching my first art class at MICA. One thing I notice that is very clear -you cannot teach Drive.
Through teaching I was hoping to spark an interest in animation/art. A spark will die if not fanned, fed and cared for. It can never consume a life if time is not allowed to be poured into it.
I don't know the exact moment for me that art became my fire. It is a cliche but so true for me, I've always love drawing. English was my second language so picture is an easier form of communication. Lines, shapes and colors became my grammar. Pictures became my sentences. I always didn't know what to say and fumbled with my words but the desire to speak was always present.
I look at my students sometimes wanting to fan the spark for them. Wanting to force time into a spark that might not even be there. I see so much potential and talent behind their art. I cannot teach them the drive it will take to be an artist. I can only hope and watch.
Just need to continue to beat that rock and maybe some day something will happen. :)

   

Freedom

I've been told my work is tight. I need to loosen up. I need to show more mistakes, I need to be more expressive. Find your way on the canvas, explore as you go. I do agree with most of this. I want to do some of this but I wonder if this is something that needs to happen naturally, something that develops through time, through mistakes and on a subconscious level.
I wish I remember the person that told me this. "style is something you do subconsciously over and over again", I think that is true.
Currently I feel I've been at the grocery store and people telling me what to buy for a recipe of something I don't want to eat. I know ultimately I need to find a recipe that I like. It's kind of funny the more I think about it. They want me to be more free with my mark making but with each suggestion another wall is being put up. Be free in these limits -a paradox.
True freedom happens in constraints. We find creative solutions for problems. We improvise to get out of routines. We change our mind because we see a better way. True freedom for me in art has come from thinking first, knowing where I want to go with a piece.
Freedom happens during the path we set ourself on. I only get lost without thoughts and direction. This is something I find to be true for myself.

Intent

I've been thinking about what is the difference between art and illustration. This is a debate that has been written and spoken about for a long time. My conclusion is the intention that determines what it is. The viewers will draw their own opinion but that will never change what it was intended to be. 

I paint and draw for myself with the hope that it will eventually connect with a viewer. I guess my art is waiting to connect.  

Thoughts

Hiding in empty words not spoken

In weightless wonder I dream

Night gives way

To walking memories

Wearing away in morning haze

No answer as I stare on canvas

Remember Patience

Down

Life is not what you expect it to be nor should it be. That is something I've learned again this week. We make plans to give ourselves guidance, a place for our feet to plant. We can only see as far as our human eyes allow. The path we choose can change within moments from sadness to joy, happiness to sorrow, darkness to light. 

For now the ground I walk is hard, broken and at moments unbearable. I have to believe it will get better. In my mind I know that to be true but my heart weighs a ton. Pushing me down through the earth.

 It has been a bad week. 

new painting Acrylic on canvas

Floundering

Ever feel like you are not quite there?

It's dumb to compare myself to some of the masters but I do. There is such a chasm between where I am and where they are. I feel I have the tools and mental facility to get closer. But for some reason putting the pieces together is like holding sand with sticks. 

For the past couple of months I focused a lot on drawing. Because I really wanted to trust the connection between mind and hand. I feel that it's getting better. It has come quite clear that this is a lifelong endeavor. You are thinking "duh" and you are right. Don't know why I was thinking I could be competent in a couple of months.

One of the slow realizations is that I need a process of working. So many different ways of doing things. I need to hone a way of working that fits me.

It's hard to remember to take a step back and realize part of the fun is in the struggle.
Ok done venting. Thanks for listening :)

2014 Christmas Card

King

WIP, one of my heros. Always wanted to do a drawing or painting of him.