Self Doubt

Self doubt, I've been fighting it lately. Second guessing myself, frozen in indecision and losing focus. Wondering why am I spending my free time doing this. Deep down I think we all know why we do what we do. For me I feel compelled to create images, moving or still. It's funny that the voice we should listen to comes as a whisper. 

What have I been doubting myself about? Trying to create a book proxy for my book. 

Image below is the final drawing for my next painting.

Graphite on media paper 11x14 inches

Sketches

Have not had time to work on any personal art. Been earning a living, paying the bills basically boring stuff. My job has finally slowed down.

Sketchbook paint studies 

Hanging

Prepping my paintings to be hanged. Learning about frames, wires and hooks.

Jurassic Dog

Winnie asked me to do a painting for her office. 

I said "awesome I can paint a robot fighting Mozart..."

She said "no, I want a painting of the dogs."

"The dogs?"

She looks at me, "yeah I want both of them in it."

"Woman you want me to do a dog portrait!? A dog portrait? Shoot I didn't go to school to paint a dog portrait." I said in my head.

She raised her left eyebrow, "Nothing too big"

"Yes, dear"

I sketched a whole bunch of different compositions. Wanted to make it as interesting as possible. This is what I came up with.  

Wide Load

Here are two sketches for my illustrated book. I've done a bunch of thumbnails that only I can decipher. These two need less interpretation. 

It's been fun drawing just for the sake of drawing. I feel such freedom when I can sit and put pencil to paper. I watched an interview of one of my favorite artists - Claire Wendling - today.  Very inspiring, she talked about how she recently overcame a horrible situation that prevented her from drawing. She described it as "something broke inside."  Can you imagine being denied something you love doing?  

If you are curious here is the interview.

http://www.schoolism.com/interviews.php

   

pencil on mix media paper

Eventual

I will be stepping away from this painting for now. I've learn what I can. Lessons learned? Simplify values and be bold with what you choose (thanks Tim Coman). I was timid, safe and non-committal. My darks were not dark, lights were not light. That left the painting with no focus or an entry point for the viewer. What a great lesson! 

Onto the next one.   

Eventual

Acrylic on Board, 36 x 24 inches  

Sorry for the horrible pictures. Need to get an actual camera instead on using my phone :)

Struggles

I have been struggling this week. Why? Been studying Rembrandt and Caravaggio paintings to see how they use light. Wanted to create the same dramatic feel for my painting. The more I studied their work, the more I realize how far away I am. My painting was flat, busy and crappy in comparison.
Ever feel overwhelmed with the prospect of failure? This is normal for me when I try something new. Whatever sickness I have, I keep doing this.
After having some beers in a fetal position, I emailed some friends for help. One of them, Tim Coman, did a paintover of my painting. You can see what he did below. He told me about "Simplifying values." It made totally sense to me -now I know what I had to do. Smart guy!
Now I'm excited for the weekend. I will post what I have on Monday.