Sunday, July 20, 2014

Self Doubt

Self doubt, I've been fighting it lately. Second guessing myself, frozen in indecision and losing focus. Wondering why am I spending my free time doing this. Deep down I think we all know why we do what we do. For me I feel compelled to create images, moving or still. It's funny that the voice we should listen to comes as a whisper. 

What have I been doubting myself about? Trying to create a book proxy for my book. 

Image below is the final drawing for my next painting.
Graphite on media paper 11x14 inches


  1. It's a thumbnail version of the book. So I can figure out number of pages, layout and visual flow. Still figuring this out as I do it.

  2. Ah yes... I have one for the children's pic book I'm working on. Didn't know that's what they're called. Just seemed logical to do thumbs as I was working out the story and it being so illustration heavy. Yeah, I edit and work from it all the time, just like written material. I'm not enjoying the AI process with a mouse and keyboard very much. Hope I can get one of those wand things in the future. Do you work with that when you're computer drawing? Always intrigued with your drawings, Young--the same with this one, the crows, or are they ravens, and floating arms within a tree. My creative process is also often filled with self-doubt too... I get frustrated and I get stuck because what comes out is sometimes not what I envision or see in my mind... or I can't put a concept in my mind into tangible 2D expression. You know what I mean? It's almost like problem solving, which involves creativity. ... I'm having an aha moment as I write this... so maybe self-doubt has a purpose--like it's part of the creative process...maybe that's why it takes so long sometimes... I get frustrated and have to step away and come back and change and finally settle into what is true to my vision.

  3. That’s cool! You’re doing pic book. How far along are you?
    I love thumbnails lets me edit quickly without consequence.
    When I draw on the computer I use Waccom Introus. For my thumbnails, most of the time I use pencil and paper.
    I totally know what you mean about making the image in your mind tangible. Most of the time it feels like I’m on a long frustrating hunt for my lost keys. Finding something I already own… frustrating. I know self-doubt is part of my process. For me what keeps me going is the learning, problem solving and the result. To make something from nothing is pretty cool. The other reason could be we are Crazy.

  4. wrote a response and it emptied it out as I hit publish. Sheesh! Anyway, don't want to re-write. But my story arc on the pic book is complete, but continually editing. About 1/3 of the way through with illustrations, which is nothing. I'm not as talented and adept as you in drawing, so it's 80 percent sheer hard work and creative stamina for me. I edit throughout because, as you know, in the process sometimes something isn't working, and also I want to make sure the story progression works for 3-6 years. The pics need to tell 80 percent of the story; the reading of the narrative from mom/dad is the supporting role. Plus, I've never illustrated a story before, so it's a learning thing too. Whole different thing digitally "drawing". I scanned in my drawings of my characters and then re-drew them digitally, if you know what I mean. You know, tracking them over with the pen tool. Some stuff I'm actually just drawing straight from AI.
    Your description about getting a concept into 2D is like hunting for lost keys like is so spot on!! Yes, like finding something you already own but with blurry vision. Like a process of bringing something into focus while hunting. Creating something out of nothing is a God-given gift, a reflection of Him, the Creator. Totally cool!! And crazy isn't logical or rational, so maybe there's a little bit of "crazy" there! :-D

  5. PS: Thanks for the wand name, Waccom Introus. I'm going to look into that.